True to You celebrnacy
Oct 31, 20203 min
Updated: Nov 1, 2020
I was shocked, emotional, happy, all different feelings mixed into one as Mahli wasn’t planned at all. I had only just had another child the year before and Had just got back into work and getting my life back on track. But I was excited too.
Love straight away I felt like it was the last price to my family puzzle.
I had gone for a private early gender scan at 13 weeks. The sonongrapher didn’t really explain what complications she could see just that there was a baby, a heartbeat but no fluid
I had been trying to think of names for weeks before I gave birth. All my family and close friends know how much I like to have different and unique names. It was infact my eldest daughters step mum which helped me decide on his name . When he was born I was on a special unit, had my own calming room and was with my mum and Mahli’s father. I was in labour for just over 2 hours, I gave birth and he was born in his sac just like my other daughter. They carried him away and kept him for over 3 hours...this was so traumatic as all I wanted to do was hold and see my baby. At this point we were still unsure of the sex of my baby, how much he weighed, size, how he looked everything. But after 3 long hours they brought him into see me. Wrapped in a blue blanket to reveal his gender .
Did it impact on your relationship? The whole situation impacted us massively. Ever since our relationship hasn’t been good. We both grieve differently and this causes friction too. Iv found it extremely hard to get to the place I am today but everyday seems easier.
I planned Mahli’s funeral mostly by myself as his father wasn’t around much. I involved my eldest daughter in making decisions and she even wrote a poem to be read out at the funeral. I also had an open coffin as I felt my baby boy wasn’t ready to be closed in and taken away from me until the service had ended, and even then I was a mess.
I think watching me go through it all alone was the hardest for people to see. I am usually a strong minded, independent lady but this was just too much to deal with alone.
Have family and friends done anything that has been helpful? My mum and nana helped me everyday, my friends couldn’t do much more than they did, buying me sentimental gifts and just been there for hugs when I needed
Just help them talk about their baby, let them know your there on the baby’s birthday and due date
I still have my rubbish days, but talking about my situation helps me a lot. I have photos of my son, candles, his blanket all around my house and that makes me smile
A huge thank you to Danielle for sharing such personal memories to help others. #babyloss
If you have experienced the loss of baby, or you know somebody who has, you can also find sensitive support and further helpful resources at SANDS