Baby Loss month 2020- Danielle's personal story
Updated: Nov 1, 2020
Danielle, tell us a little about how you felt when you found out that you were pregnant?
I was shocked, emotional, happy, all different feelings mixed into one as Mahli wasn’t planned at all. I had only just had another child the year before and Had just got back into work and getting my life back on track. But I was excited too.
What were your feelings towards your pregnancy and your unborn baby?
Love straight away I felt like it was the last price to my family puzzle.
At what point were you told that there were complications?
I had gone for a private early gender scan at 13 weeks. The sonongrapher didn’t really explain what complications she could see just that there was a baby, a heartbeat but no fluid
Tell us briefly in your own words what happened when Mahli was born. How did you choose his name?
I had been trying to think of names for weeks before I gave birth. All my family and close friends know how much I like to have different and unique names. It was infact my eldest daughters step mum which helped me decide on his name . When he was born I was on a special unit, had my own calming room and was with my mum and Mahli’s father. I was in labour for just over 2 hours, I gave birth and he was born in his sac just like my other daughter. They carried him away and kept him for over 3 hours...this was so traumatic as all I wanted to do was hold and see my baby. At this point we were still unsure of the sex of my baby, how much he weighed, size, how he looked everything. But after 3 long hours they brought him into see me. Wrapped in a blue blanket to reveal his gender .
Not a small question, but what has the emotional journey been for you as an individual and you as a couple?
Did it impact on your relationship? The whole situation impacted us massively. Ever since our relationship hasn’t been good. We both grieve differently and this causes friction too. Iv found it extremely hard to get to the place I am today but everyday seems easier.
What decisions did you make a saying goodbye to Mahli?
I planned Mahli’s funeral mostly by myself as his father wasn’t around much. I involved my eldest daughter in making decisions and she even wrote a poem to be read out at the funeral. I also had an open coffin as I felt my baby boy wasn’t ready to be closed in and taken away from me until the service had ended, and even then I was a mess.
How what has been hard for family and friends do you think?
I think watching me go through it all alone was the hardest for people to see. I am usually a strong minded, independent lady but this was just too much to deal with alone.
Have family and friends done anything that has been helpful? My mum and nana helped me everyday, my friends couldn’t do much more than they did, buying me sentimental gifts and just been there for hugs when I needed
Do you have any tips for anybody who may know somebody that has suffered the loss of a baby?
Just help them talk about their baby, let them know your there on the baby’s birthday and due date
Finally, the future – how are you all now and how is the future looking?
I still have my rubbish days, but talking about my situation helps me a lot. I have photos of my son, candles, his blanket all around my house and that makes me smile
A huge thank you to Danielle for sharing such personal memories to help others. #babyloss
If you have experienced the loss of baby, or you know somebody who has, you can also find sensitive support and further helpful resources at SANDS